A Space of My Own 我的空间

Connie Talbot turns 9 this year.

For those who have no idea who she is, it's the little girl I was directed to watch in You-Tube a few year's ago when she took part in Britain's got talent when just 4 years old.


Here she is singing I Will Always Love You. I like this song for its chorus, and I guess it's not too hard for the girl to understand what she's singing at the chorus, especially - even though she's this young.

Haha, in the 2nd video she has her two front teeth. :)

I just love how she vibratos her voice really well, though she is so young.

... for this year. :)

These few days were almost the same - except for crashing into Andrew's meals twice in one week - or more accurately, Jon and I had the leftovers of the Andrew-gang's dinner. It was good, so no there's no questioning the quality of the main course, LOL. Had a nice pasta-meal dinner just now too with Jon and Jerome.

Went swimming a few days back and discovered some of my techniques makes me un-swim. In fact if you add them all out I wonder if I actually swum at all, or struggled in the water to hold myself back LOL.

I just finished watching the 6th episode of Star Wars. A bit late I must say, since they had been out so many years ago. I have a lot of thoughts regarding the series, and might share them later. I must say it was quite a nice watch - but some of the parts were rather sad. However, they managed to tie up everything on a hopeful note each time.

Oh, I had just been reading someone's recently-updated blog now and it really drives me geram that some people like to make small things big and big things small. =.= To you all who read this blog, do rest assured it's none of you because I'm sure all of you are matured enough handle small issues in life and not make it a disaster not just for yourself, but other people. Anyway, I'm glad that someone I know has already gotten over the 'friendship' with the anonymous character here. Clearly there's nothing to lose in this loss.

I'm going home on the 20th! I hope there are still tickets left. And Tsai Sheng will still be around so yay! I thought I didn't get the chance to meet him last time when he came back from Russsia, but it's lucky that he's having hols until August, so that means I get to see him at least once!

I do wish I get to go out a little more these hols but unfortunately, going out means eating out too, and I do have the knack of spending quite a considerable sum everytime I venture out of NUS, shopping or not. :( Those nice little trips are quite hard on the pocket after all. I guess I need to restrain my wants a little in this aspect.

Today I was so bored, I decided to take a little trip down Clementi myself. I was craving for stationary and a walk you see.

I went to the shop where I usually get my cheaper clothes. They are cheaper because the quality and cutting is not so good you see. But unfortunately, there was nothing nice for me today. I walked round the little square and ended up spending the bulk of my time in Clementi Big Bookshop. There I brought some nice gel pens (6 of them) for a total of $1.80. They smell nice! I spent a whole hour just wandering around in that bookshop (which is not very big).

I always like this bookshop. It has all sorts of stationary that I long to buy but in the end I always end up not getting anything because nothing is cheap. Everything is reasonably priced, but reasonably priced in Singapore isn't enough for me. It always means that I can get the same stuff at a lower price in Malaysia. I was really tempted to buy lots of things, but in the end I was able to restrain myself.

When in bookstores, I frequent the stationary departments but the stationary I find are usually too expensive, not practical and not interesting. That's why I like the Clementi big bookstore, because it has a variety of practically anything. And the reason why I like stationary is they give me a reason to carry out my work more cheerfully. :) That's the reason why I manage to push myself to go to the Central Library in NUS frequently - I know the Co-Op is next to it, and though I rarely buy anything from there, it's fun to just browse.

Besides the bookstore, I went to Ayies too (which sells hair accessories). They had an enormous variety of products also and prices were surprisingly reasonable. I didn't buy anything from there, because I don't have the need yet, but if I want to buy anything to tie, pin or clip my hair, I know where to go to next time.

Ohh, I just added a little doggie player next to my blogger blog. I haven't filled in the songs yet, but there's one soundtrack there already. I got the link from Mable's blog - she has a pink bear so I chose the doggie.

The second combined worship I served in was over. James was the song leader like last year, and some of the songs were the same.

At first I thought the choir was going to be really big judging by the amount of the people who came to practice but in the end, it was just OK because some people left during 2nd service, and others didn't come until then. That pretty much evens out things.

I was pretty happy that I joined this time's combined worship. Got to know new people, fellowship with campus (supper!) and serve God in worship! It was a humbling experience too. I think the lady singers had great potential. The youth had nice voices, and could catch on quickly. The Filipino ladies had really powerful voices! I was lost amongst them, but I was quite glad they were around because if everyone sang my volume no one would have heard the singing.

Altogether it was fun and meaningful.

After worship we had our usual lunch outing. The car to people ratio was surprisingly big and we had empty seats for once. In fact most of the lunch/suppers I go to now have empty seats. Last time we used to squeeze like sardines (five girls at the back!) behind Simon's car, LOL. We had Peranakan dishes for lunch. After that we went to the PUB reservoir where Juin Ming fished. It was a sight, with most of them trying to catch prawns and shrimps formally dressed! I didn't feel like trying (as usual) so I snapped pictures with my phone instead. Will upload them to facebook some time (don't feel like doing it now, hehe).

I'm going back to Malaysia for around 1 week on the 2oth or so. Wish it could be longer, but there are things like house-moving to do, and I have to prepare for the start of the semester also.

I've been moving in and out facebook lately and discovered some nice games. One of them is UNO, which is something like MSN's UNO, only they match you with other people instead of the computer. Usually the matches are quite quick, and I like the fact that they give each turn a time limit of 15 secondsso that you can't drag time too much when you're thinking. Some people think so horribly long you see. Usually those still holding a lot of cards after some time will get impatient and leave.

Another game I like to play once in a while is Typing Maniac.

I don't play this too often because it's too fast pace for my liking. For those who know Waka-Waka, this is by the same producers, only more fun because they actually test your typing speed instead of how fast you eat enemies, which is more meaningful, in my opinion. And all in all, it is not actually your typing speed that gets tested, it's how you strategize while typing. In fact I think towards the end, strategizing is more important than typing (provided that you can type fast enough in the first place), because that's what saves your neck. They rank all your friends too, so you know how much they do. I'm now fourth place, but maybe I'll be overtaken soon because it seems to be the latest craze among RH people.

Today I've got lots of free time to study and play around as usual. I've got a new little list of things to source for but unfortunately I can't start work because I don't know the quantity needed yet. So this is it, till the next blog post :)

I was just talking to God.

And I just realized that it is blessed to be able to feel those little pains in our lives - small minor unhappiness that do not turn your life topsy-turvy, yet still manage to affect you a little. It shows that my emotional nerves are still sensitive - and this only means that there are no major wounds that cause great pain there. For if there is great pain in my life, the little ones wouldn't matter, they wouldn't even be felt at all.

I hope I am making myself understandable.

It's just like doing a school project. When it's almost done, you tweak it here and there to make it perfect. You refine all the minor details. But when it's totally undone and the deadline is near, all you want to do is hand something up. And you don't really care how well 'something' is done as long as you have something to hand up (reminds me of last sem).

To be able to care about little details, even the negative ones, is a blessing indeed. It means you've got the greater things all covered. And when you look back after some time, you realize that it is the big things that really matter.

Learning to thank God for little pains and aches (even those inflicted on myself by me, which hurt the most). And learning the cherish this time too, where all still counts as bliss, and God's blessings come in the form of abundance and fulfillment.

Usually things like this should appear in my diary and not in my blog. But alas, I have yet to unpack my diary. I miss my diary! Yet unpacking it will clutter up my room much further, and it is a sacrifice I have yet to be able to make. You see, even my printer is not out yet.

Let's talk about happier things :) Worship practice! Went there today with Alicia, Andrew and Jon. It was fun. I get to know more of the Youth now in the second practice, and though we're a bit like oil and water, I think they are very sociable and fun. I love the songs. And I realize there's really a lot of good singers among the Youth too.

That's all of today's entry I think. I wish I could write more, but my ability to express hasn't really been back yet.

Today's post is just a random number of things passing through my mind.

Firstly I'm not happy because after thinking through a whole lot of things in my mind in the bathroom, I realized that I'm still a very cranky person. And although I've tried to control and manage my anger most of the time, I didn't notice I had never bothered to stop crankiness. The difference between those: Anger is the emotion lashed out at others because they do something negative to you. Crankiness is simply being angry or fed up with others because of circumstances that inflict myself. The latter is more subtle, and alas, it is the 'greater sin', I feel. It's like being angry at people for no reasons of their cause as well.

Sigh. Just when I thought I am so disliking putting up with crankiness, I find out that I'm very much a culprit of it myself.

Anyway, for the happier things :) Cikgu Teoh added me on Facebook! Somehow I found it very surprising that he actually had a facebook account - I mean so far only Ling Xuan (his daughter) has one, but not even his son has. And he even has photos in it now, so lovely :)

And yay, Zhi Jun is updating her blog for two consecutive days! I suppose it means that she's very sien but at least I guess I have more entries to read. Hehe.

Yes, these three probably sum up how I spend my days.

OMC = RHOM = Raffles Hall Orientation Marketing Comm. We had a meeting yesterday and I felt that I was suddenly left with nothing much to do. The CDs were going to cost a bomb and by tomorrow if no one sends in replies to me I'm going to have to call again. I'm try going to help Float instead once in a while but I feel lazy today, so I'll do it tomorrow.

Yesterday I did one of my biggest bouts of callings. It was funny how those company representatives kept on reminding me that there's recession now. Well, it might be recession but some sponsorship needs do remain needs in the end. That makes me feel more and more thick-faced when I'm sourcing for materials somehow. Fortunately there's less work to do this semester compared to last year. I should be pleased but somehow I wish there was more to do. I loved working with the team last year, it was so bonding and fun.

There are just a few sites I frequent in the internet these days. Youtube. Restaurant city - I maxed all my recipies a few levels ago and it's pretty fun now just turning it on and letting things run. Just have to feed my employees once in a while (for those who know what I'm talking about). All the same it's rather boring too.

Central library is quite far off from hall now - with the infrequent busses (especially weekends), and the closing of of the front path of the hall. It means that if I'm to walk there I'll have to make one big circle around the hall to do it. Sigh. Yet it is my favorite place to visit these hols. It's weird - last time it was holidays and they had to make us take our temperature before going in. Now H1N1 has actually invaded NUS (8 cases), and no one's taking our temperature. In fact I couldn't even access the website that we were supposed to record our temperatures in.

Anyway I like Central library. I'm already borrowing all sorts of murder and detective stories plus Roald Dahl books. I know NUS is all academic and research, but I do wish they would have more nice fictional stories - like romance novels and the lot. Well, I guess I shouldn't be complaining - at least I have some short stories to read now.

I wanted to go and walk about quite a lot these hols, but looks like H1N1 is saving me all my transport fares. With it being around like this in NUS, I fear the best option is to stay in my room to study for next sem, play computer games or watch movies.

The days are passing quite monotonously. Well, almost but not quite. I almost don't feel like blogging, but it's a habit I'll like to keep up. So here goes :)

Yesterday we had worship practice - combined by youth, campus and acts. Actually the majority there were the youths. There were very few from campus too. in fact I was the only one from campus in the choir. There was one ex-Acts member there too, Alanie. Other than her, no one from Acts was in Choir. I guess it was a weekday and people were tired from work.

I'm a person of inertia, and it's hard for me to up and about unless I really want to. Even walking from Block 5 to Comm hall is some kind of chore if I have nothing to do there. So I wasn't like 100% raring to go for worship practice. But then I went, and it God was good to me. In fact I took the worship with me home and the songs were still ringing in my ears when I was in bed. Especially the song Offering. I realized that I had been giving God shallow offerings everyday, through devo and worship. And I think He's worth so much more than that.

I like worship. I remember just the day when I was going home I was helping Ms Chia with some songs, and they realized that I wasn't playing piano for church over here in Singapore. (But I have played for Campus though, twice I think). Last time I sang with the Choir once when I was in youth and campus.

Last time when I was still in secondary school, I was pianist for our youth choir. And I loved to play. I always think the best place to be in the choir was to be behind the piano when people are out there singing in front. And true, you're always not in the pictures when people take pictures of the Choir team, and no once can see your face, or even notice much of your music either. But back then every song was a challenge - they had to be unique, they had to be played differently, and I try to make repetitions sound different. The piano was the only source of music - no drums, no e-guitars, not even the e-piano to cover it. Those are nice additions, but not when people are not in sync. That's why usually I prefer playing on my own more.

I always think the best place for me is behind the piano, and now I'm singing in the Choir. And I realize that I love it too.

Back in Tampin I'm not exactly known for being able to sing :) There are always this batch of 'singers' who always backup those in front. I suppose my ability to sing is overshadowed by my ability to play. After all you can't always serve in two things at the same time. And it's fair because everyone gets to serve in one way or other. I never knew I had a good pitch, and a nice voice, till I came to NUS. (I hope this is not bragging.) I think Choir training in Raffles Hall brought it out. It made me like singing too. In a choir, not on my own.

I think God always equips me in the ways I need to serve him. I realize that my voice somehow sounds much better when I'm in Singapore and when I need to sing, as compared to the times when I come home. It always goes away when I'm at home - or let's say, becomes less inferior. And in contrast, I always play best when I'm playing in worship - not when I'm fooling around, or just practicing away in that old piano at home. Somehow it just comes. And I thank God for always supplying what I need at the right time. Just enough for Him to use, not too much that I brag, nor too little that I do have enough.

Thank God for letting us worship Him! I always like the way one pastor described worship. He said that many people come to worship desiring to be fulfilled or get something from worship. They say things like 'oh, I received so much from worship today!' But actually, worship is an act of giving! It's giving everything to God, our praises, our obedience, our commitments, surrendering. You got to worship to give, not receive. But we are made to worship, so that's why we love to worship God :) Many people come to worship to take away, not to give.

I wonder in the coming semester I would be able to give more in my worship. Will pray about it. :)

I'm back in Singapore and RH now. Got a room at Block 5, room 5-217. It's a double room but I'm currently the only occupant there. Wonder when my unknown roomie would suddenly pop in. Somehow I always get double rooms that act like single double rooms. LOL.

More than half my stuff is still unpacked and are in Jon's room. I've just got enough things around me to live by (except paper).

The train trip back was quite tiring. Couldn't really sleep well on the train, partially because I was feeling really homesick then. Was crying on and off in the first few hours of the trip. Must be partly the effect of the nice dinner Po Po cooked for me before I left.

RHOM hasn't started working yet. Lucky people who got the first half of the vacation! Some of them practically had nothing to do. And I can foresee that in the weeks to come, those of us who are here are going to have a really awful time sourcing for all those float materials. The list comes late, they rush us for materials, we rush the sourcing, they rush the work. Without freshies, together with the slow rate the materials come in, I wonder if they could even finish things on time. They are going to need a lot of hands indeed.

I went to the Central Library again, and did a bit of self-studying. Next semester's materials require a firm grounding of basic understanding, and hopefully I get to bursh up my basics before school starts! I was quite disappointed when I had my lunch at YIH. They took my favorite cheese/mushroom omelette off the menu (and it was only $1.50), and left other items with increased food prices :( Don't think I'll be eating much over there again.

RHOM will have our first meeting tomorrow. Hope all will turn out well. Meanwhile I shall enjoy the nice Agatha Christie murder mysterey I managed to borrow from the library. I'm jolly lucky to have in my hands one of the very few stories she wrote from the Central Library. I wonder why they don't keep the whole set! Furthermore, the cover looks really unimpressive, just a black hardcover book - in contrast to those nice glossy covers of the copies found in my secondary school library. Well, I guess in the end it's the contents that matters!

I'm in a very idle state these days, but surprisingly enough my mind is not. I guess playing computer games does in a way benefit me, as I usually go through issues with myself while playing. Issues I wouldn't have thought of, or specially allocated some me-time to think about.

Just wondering why I don't seem to be able to help people much these two years. In fact progress has been so backward, that I've given up caring to know how these persons are getting along.

Is it because people just don't want to be helped, or I don't care enough? Or do I care enough, but am just doing things my own way?

I'm not like this. And I wonder why I'm like this. Worse still, sometimes you put your hands behind your back, don't want to care, but there's this little voice nagging in your head saying, "What if?". What if I cared again, would it make a difference?

I know I can't keep going on like this, but part of me still wants to stop because I'm too afraid of the discouragements ahead. And people around aren't being too encouraging about it either.

Sigh. One day I'll really have to face myself about this. But when?